A woman told me about the painful history of her life.
While i was listening to her story, i wonder....

She was laughing out loud while telling me how it awfully tortures her every moment she is in doubt and can't sleep waiting for her husband to come home.
There is no trace of anguish in her face when she told me how her heart melts in pain the night she caught him in bed with younger woman.
I can't find any remnants of agony in her eyes when i heard her saying she lost her third child that night, crying and bleeding on her way home.


I was thinking she hated her husband then and lost her love for him...but..
..she was laughing a little more louder as if no regrets why she repeatedly forgive her husband and allow him to injure her heart everyday..
..and without asking her...she said, she love her husband that's why...
 
She was married with him when she was 18, her husband cheated many times,  their third child died...
For all these pain, i want to know when was the morning she woke up and finally realize she had lost her love for him.

She told me how old she is..47.

After their two daughters got married she left him home alone...
she was 40 that time...
Out of 22 years with her heart in dungeon she must be in great remorse for her self...but hey.
She said she never regret about her love for her husband that has gone to waste..

At the back of my mind I'm asking why?
Here is the great clue for that woman's surprisingly tamed heart...

She said.
"I'm regretting for the wasted years that had passed without knowing when was the day it doesn't feel pain anymore"
( yeah she could have been happier for the rest of the years instead.)

Maybe she's regretting for her heart waking up each day with him without knowing which was the final beat telling her she doesn't love him anymore. She could have let her heart beat for someone else instead.

When she went away from home, that was the first time she saw her husband pouring his tears out, but it didn't weaken her will to let go.

She said she left her husband without hatred, she left without pain..she just left with a cold heart...

After those words she said, I stopped wondering about her laughter and her face that has no any  single mark of pain..

I figured out that its not hate that opposites love.. its APATHY.
I saw it on her.

*this is my third friendster blog dated January 28, 2009
http://nadzkhi.blog.friendster.com/2009/01/cold-heart-2/ 

  this version is edited for the owner of the story's purpose.